i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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