I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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