I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
