how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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