I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
