i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think my moral compass just broke
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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