Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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