i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
