her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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