We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
