My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
