mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
