I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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