i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
