Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
