I puked a lego.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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