how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
