Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
