i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
