my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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