sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize