Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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