I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
