she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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