Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
