Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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