omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
