i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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