I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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