the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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