my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
