I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
