I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize