I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
worst night to have a conscience
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
