Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
