I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
