I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
