you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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