He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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