I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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