he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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