Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
