They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
