can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
