the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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