it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
