Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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