I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
