I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize