That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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