I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize