do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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