we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
3pm strippers are depressing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
