Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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