Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
