Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
