Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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