We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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