you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
