I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize