Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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