oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
