it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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