This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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