Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
