OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
