We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
