Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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