there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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