Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You took a bar mat shot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
