please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
