I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
