I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
