He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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