Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
