You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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