you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize